10 months into Decade Three

On March 5th 2009 I started out Decade Three. Honestly it was the first birthday since 21 that I really had any excitement about. I didn't dread 30, I didn't feel old, I felt as though I could finally be considered an adult! Exciting and scary, I was ready for it.

The beauty of spring in Georgia with good friends and family around I started my 30th year with all sorts of plans. I hoped to further hone my cooking skills, loose weight, maybe start the planning of our family. In a sense I sort of felt like I would be starting my life again. Of course most of these things are still in the works and a lot of these things happened, but 10 month later where do I find myself? Interesting question. I've have been pondering it now for 17 days and the only answer I can come up with is Motherless. Totally and certainly Motherless.

 

On January 1, 2010 almost exactly 10 months into Decade Three I lost my mother to cancer. I could bore you with the many details of her horrific disease but I will spare you. The point here is that I lost her. She fought for 8 short months and I did as much as I could but as so many cancer stories go it wasn't enough and she moved on far too soon.

My mother was scattered, stubborn, hilarious, fun, kind, loving, and spontaneous. I loved her deeply and in these short 17 days I have come to fully realize that she helped to shape me into the woman I am today. I am who I am, all the good and the bad, because she showed me the way if she knew it or not.

 

So now I ponder the next question. Should I do the easy thing and loose myself in grief or should I try to find a way to learn from this and become stronger? I think the latter. Operative word here is THINK, but I know in my heart that is the right thing to do. Therefore I've decided to start blogging again. I blogged for almost two years exclusively about cooking and entertaining. It was great and I enjoyed it a lot. Then mom got sick and she became my priority. So now that she is gone I think it is time to make me, my life and the people in it the priority. So, I start fresh with this new blog. I will share my experiences in the kitchen, with friends and family, books I'm reading, and whatever else feels right.

I've hardly scratched the surface of grieving my mother. I am not entirely sure that I am ready to, so I am sure that she will be mentioned on more than one occasion. I am hopeful that she will guide me through this decade as I feel confident she has secured me with the tools I need......or at least I hope that she has.

 

I dedicate the blog to my mother, Marion Barrington and I hope that I find the same joys and beauty in life that she did.